Bear Stew #2
Tasty Manbytes Served up Hot
by Ron Suresha
“Salam Pax,” according to his now-famous blog (Web journal), is a gay bear Iraqi in Baghdad. His calm, well-crafted English-language journal online gave us a first, and firsthand, look at the War on Iraq. His blog attracted almost 100,000 visitors in March, according to a Los Angeles Times article. Whether or not that’s his real name, “he’s putting a human face on history,” one blog-maven told the Times. For a link to Pax’s online journal, go to <http://dear_raed.blogspot.com>.
Here’s the blog where Salam outed himself as a bear:
I have been getting quite a bit of linky-lovin’ from something called [Sensible Erection]. I get an Access Denied screen when I try to open the page, I can only hope the site has chosen me the sexiest Bear in the middle east [link shamelessly stolen from Blee Bloo Blar].
Having a particular penchant for Mediterranean bear writers myself, such as gay journalist Mubarak Dahir, I’m anxious for Salam Pax to reveal himself in pictures as the drop-dead-woofy ursine he claims to be.
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Catch Tim Barela’s latest (and perhaps last, sadly) collection of ever-hairy Leonard & Larry cartoons, How Real Men Do It
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An unavoidable date with a moving van kept me from heading back for Bear Decadence in August to ‘Nawlins, where the cajunbears are so exceedingly friendly and always so very ready to jump your bones. Of course, looking butchy-bearish during Southern Decadence makes it harder for homophobic fundies to spot you while, say, you’re blowing a beefy furball on a curb on Rue Daphne. The straight-and-narrow totally miss it: “Oh, those workmen are just installing something in that sewer.”
In any case, our intrepid NOLA circuitbear, Sgt Boudreaux, recorded the dinner/ contest event. Local contestants from the Sire Ursus contest played parts in a timely wacko satire: “Bear Eye for the Queer Guy,” featuring well-known leatherman Wally Sherwood as the play-acting fellow in need of a bearish makeover. Each contestant was assigned a position such as the “Clothes Bear,” then asked to critique a box filled with various objects as to their relative bearishness/ butchness.
First contestant out, Dave the “Food Bear” set a hilarious tone: “Melba toast? That just goes so well with this “Camem’bear” cheese! What the hell is a Camem”bear”? The bear part I understand, but . . . how do you milk one? I’ve tried, and personally, the kind of stuff that comes out when I milk a bear, you don’t make cheese from it. At least, not until the next day.” Wooflicious “Décor Bear” Ray brought out a slew of items for the trendy bear: copies of AmBear, Beef, In Uniform, Bears on Bears, a rare poster from Jewel’s Tavern, and macho action figures. Vic “Bear” Vest, the “Sex Bear,” produced a Grizzly-size package of Viagra (or was that the party pack?), and the urso-licious 2003 “Food for Bears” Italian-bear calendar. Other essential items for any butchy-bear: a chest toupee, Just for Men for Beards, and a mock package of Rogaine for Backs. Jockstraps and beercans were strewn across the set to complete the scene.
My darlin’ Ray won third place, and Dave placed second. But it was everyone’s favorite NOLA great grizz, Bear Vest, who took home the big stuffed teddy and the trophy. The audience agreed that all contestants were first-place bears.
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Furwatch: It took a while since Nair for Men was launched last year, but yeah, finally the print ads hit the gay media this spring/summer. Cultural furwatchers such as Chris Wittke and myself saw it coming – and so we witness continued growth of the bodyhair removal industry. Curious, though – why did the makers of “Ne’er For Men” take so long to come out in the gay media – their primary target audience? Those and other hair-removal ads – while now common to Advocate, Genre, and even worse, Men’s Fitness – are as repulsive to some guys as back-hair is likely to seem to the “Queer Eye” Fab Five. But it’s also true that there are more bearish representations in those media, and the tide for the furrophile may have turned.
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In the most publicized de-whiskering since Samson, comedian Bruce Vilanch shaved his decades-old beard July 24th on “Live with Regis and Kelly” in preparation for his national tour of the hilarious Broadway hit, Hairspray. He stars as large, lovable mom Edna Turnblad, the role that won growly ursine actor Harvey Fierstein a Tony this year.
In a pre-shave interview, Vilanch said he’s attracted to Edna “because she’s hysterically funny, but she also has sweetness and humanity. The show is smart with heart – and it’s about fat people winning, which is unusual.” The chunky flamboyant jokester, who was interviewed two years ago here in American Bear, added, “Privately, I’ve been a bearded lady for years.”
This column first appeared in American Bear magazine #58, December 2003/January 2004.
