Bear Stew #5
Tasty Manbytes Served Steaming Hot
by Ron Suresha
In the Life, public TV’s monthly les-bi-gay show (http://www.inthelifetv.org), examined bear culture in a light-and-breezy 8-minute segment aired March. The segment “Bear to Be Beautiful,” “Basically is Bears 101 for the un-bear-aware crowd,” stated Carlos Abreu, publicity-bear for MetroBears NY (whose delectable naked bod has graced this publication’s pages). The overview explained the subtle differences between bears, cubs, otters, etc., and defined other bearspeak (“husbear,” “bear-be-cue,” “Woof!”). East Coast interviewees included Carlos, Mark Kane, Ryan Reins (yet another recent AmBear stud), and Les Wright; in SF, Bears of San Francisco (BOSF) president Mark Katzenberger, Lone Star bartender Dan Newnham, and Phil Harper commented onscreen. The segment also compiled footage of “background bears shot at the Dugout and Bear Cafe (at the LGBT Center) here in NYC. . . . one panning shot of guys around a pool at Lazy Bear and at a theme park. A little segment from The Simpsons with gay boys passing by in a trolley asking Whelan, a gay character, “Who’s the Bear? Woof!” about Homer. Lots of flashes between waxed-and-plucked crowd magazine skin shots and American Bear covers. A little silly music. All in all, a light, fun, and airy piece.” Now, aside from the fact that it’s long overdue, that’s the kind of programming that I’ve been waiting for. Kudos to everyone in the ITL segment!
Speaking of boob-tubesteaks, while hanging out with my straight bear pal Meir last year in Jerusalem, we were watching Israeli network TV at his mom’s apartment. My Hebrew is a little rusty, but I could follow along well enough with Arabic subtitles. Actually, I don’t read Arabic either, so I was half asleep. I could make out it was a forensic detective show. But when I spied a tall, dark, goateed, muscle-leather wolf, looking entirely like AmBear centerfold material, oy! did I ever perk up! Imagine my howling delight when ten minutes into this show, which I dubbed CSI – Tel Aviv, this glorious hairy specimen rode up on his chopper in slick European black leather. He whipped off his shades, flashing brilliant dark eyes, and chatted briefly with his detective costar (one tough-looking Sabra woman herself). Then, with his leather jacket open to expose his well-built furry chest, Inspector Dov (‘bear” in Hebrew) turns to their cute male sidekick, a younger, eager-eyed cop-cub. The older man barked a provocative “Vuf!” to the cub, who winked and trotted off, presumably to do something useful until the leatherbear could give him an in-depth forensic examination. The female dick (so to speak) raised an eyebrow, teasing the older studwolf about mixing pleasure with official duties. He replied, in a deep, steel-tinged voice, “A kitten never stands between two wolves.” Idiomatically, I think that meant, “Just let Daddy take care of the cub, mamabear.” My hairy jaw dropped, but Meir confirmed that we had just seen an Israeli bear cruising another guy on prime-time TV. Why don’t we get good stuff like that with Cox Cable or Viacom?
Arriving February on the big screen – at least to theaters in Spain – was a feature film written and directed by Miguel Albaladejo, entitled “Cachorro” (“Cub”). My Spanish is a little rusty (are you noticing a trend?), but here’s a rough synopsis: José Luis Garcia plays Pedro, a woofy, unattached gay dentist. Pedro’s penchant to party hearty with his den of grrrfriends is interrupted when his sister convinces him to nephew-sit 11-year-old Bernardine, whom Pedro barely knows, for fifteen days. Pedro tries to obscure his wild-and-crazy-and-hairy-guy lifestyle but, as we all know, it ain’t easy being sleazy: the film opens with Pedro in an explicit sex scene. “My intention was that the audience understand fully the collision of the protagonist with the boy,” stated the director. According to Gorkabear, Bearcalona club spokesbear, the 100-minute-long cinematic tragicomedia was shot in Madrid employing a number of well-known local bears.
Correction to Bear Stew #3: woofy filmmaker Martin Borden should have been listed as collaborator with Clark Nikolai for the Vancouver-produced short film, “Men on Fur on Men.” My Canadian is a little rusty but, according to Martin, the film screened in the Melbourne International Queer and the Denver International GLBT filmfests, and was shown to an enthusiastic crowd at the February Paws for Words, BOSF’s lit-arts cultural event during Int’l Bear Rendezvous.
And at long last, bear marriage. The cover art for the March 15th issue of The New Yorker features an illustration entitled “Dress Reversal” by Mark Ulriksen. In two adjoining mirrors, two attractive betrotheds are trying on identical wedding gowns. On the right stands a young female, the traditional blushing bride. On the left, a definitely bearish male, sporting a trim van Dyke and curly brown chest hair, gazes at his own seductive image in the mirror. The woman is astonished not at her own gorgeous reflection – but that of the other, hirsute, bride-to-be.
Until next time, grrrfolks!
This column first appeared in American Bear magazine #61, June/July 2004.
